The characters in my songs are often mentally disturbed, slightly crazy, always pretty ignorant creatures with chicken poo for brains. You can understand that denying my material is autobiographical is sometimes difficult. Really, it isn’t!
Have You Met Ms. Dewey was written about a year and a half ago right about the time the male tech savvy peoples from Nerdistan discovered Ms Dewey’s corner on the world wide web. For those of you who aren’t from Nedistan, I’ll be happy to explain who (or better what) Ms Dewey is. Ms Dewey is a self obsessed, hot chick who finds pleasure in verbally abusing her sexually frustrated audience by commenting on their search strings. She’s Google with boobs and an attitude.
Ms Dewey, being viral and everything, was introduced to me by one of my colleagues and a song in her honor manifested itself the next time I picked up my guitar.
HAVE YOU MET MS DEWEY
I used to date a girl
Her name was Bob
Her smile concealed the fact
She was a slob
Too cute to handle
Too obnoxious to endure
Then a couple weeks ago
A friend of mine
Told me about this girl
He’d seen online
She’s hot as a sauna on fire
You have to meet her someday soon
The first time that I saw her
She was fixing a motor bike
My jaw dropped to my knees
It was like a lightning strike
HAVE YOU MET MS DEWEY?
I WANT TO MEET HER ALL THE TIME
HAVE YOU MET MS DEWEY?
I CANNOT GET HER OUTTA MY MIND
I knew one thing for sure
We’d intertwine
Like no one ever had
She would be mine
A minor detail to overcome
Was that she had no clue who I was
I bet she would see me standing
When I’d sing her a sensitive song
… More to come…
The title is of course a brilliant (cough) reference to Hart and Rodger’s “Have You Met Ms Jones”; the Thirties song from the musical “I’d rather Be Right”. Contrary to sweet Peggy Jones who needs money to get married, Ms Dewey has sold out to the big guns of the corporate establishment. In fact, she sold out to such an extent, that she’s not even real. She was made up by Microsoft. Remember MS-DOS. Yup, that’s where the MS in MicroSoft Dewey comes from. She’s a web crawling robot and she’s taking over the world!
The song is the completely not autobiographical story of how the anonymous main character of this song falls for her devilish charms. It begins with the main character telling us he had a relationship with a girl named Bob… In case you missed it, this is a subliminal message. It explains you – the listener – that Ms Dewey is Microsoft, because Bob is also Microsoft. Bob looked sweet, but was a highly obnoxious, inefficient, drooling little interface for Windows 95. A bit like Vista, but not as buggy.
The main character starts stalking Ms. Dewey (as many Nerdistanians undoubtedly have done) and even manages to win her heart… and that – he soon discovers – is more than he bargained for. The real question now is will he be able to get out of her well manicured, corporate clutches? Join us next week and the second part of the lyrics will be revealed…
